A letter to a friend

A friend recently posted an article a woman wrote about the power of female friendships. It was a beautifully well-written piece that described how female friendships can often be so important in women's lives and yet their often treated as bonus relationships that are usually viewed as secondary to romantic relationships.

I have some great friends in my life and I'm grateful for the friends I do have. But I will never stop missing the friend that I had, a friend I often saw as my real soulmate, who decided to move half a world away. We keep in touch through email and facebook but it's not nearly the same as being 45 minutes away from each other. I've not seen her since 2010. The last time she was in the US, I didn't see or hear from her at all. So maybe, I won't see her again.

She's sent a few emails to me lately, just one sentence emails asking me how I'm doing. The other night, I finally answered. I've yet to hear back from her but I'm going to attach what I wrote. It's not a piece of great writing or anything like that, but it does talk a little about how important friendship is. I guess I wanted to share it here because like the article I read, I think it's important to celebrate those close friendships when we can. Here it is:

Hey--I don't think you check your email that often but I've received the messages from the helping hands website and I haven't gotten back to you. How am I doing? On one hand, I suppose I have a lot to be grateful for. I have a good job and it's paying the bills for now. I managed to find a pretty good live-in sitter who cares about the kids who's made this job possible for me. Mom's handling the radiation okay and is still alive with pancreatic cancer. She's survived 6months since diagnosis. That's longer than her brother made it with the same cancer. We have no idea what's going on inside her body but she's still standing. So I have a lot to be grateful for.

But I'm pretty overwhelmed and angry a lot of time. While this is a good job, it's exhausting. We work 12 hour days every day. For TV, those aren't bad hours but let's put it this way, today I left at 4:50am for work, I got to the apt. I'm staying at in NY at 8:30. I've got to read a script and look over new pages for tomorrow still and I have to be up tomorrow at 5:30. In a way, it's kind of better that I stay in the city away from the kids because I wouldn't be able to pay attention to them with these hours but I'm exhausted and I miss them so much sometimes it's almost overwhelming. My sitter has been great but it's horrible knowing that my kids spend more time with her than they do with either of their parents. I tell myself it's temporary but I really don't know what will happen if this show goes into a 2nd season. Even if I move back to the city in some cramped and bug invested dump, I will still be leaving for work before they wake up and getting home after they're in bed most nights. Weekends are tough because I usually have way too much to do and not enough time to do it. The girls are so excited to see me and I'm so happy to see them but everyone is clingier, touchier, more inclined towards meltdowns because the routine is now disrupted and everyone's emotions are heightened. It's definitely altering my relationship with them in an unfavorable way.

And being completely alone with my mother is very tough as well. My friends here care, but not the way you did. You were the only person I ever met who loves her mom the way I do and you're so far away. I know you say you're still here for me and it's comforting to know that. However, the fact remains that you are very far away and while it's great to know you're there, sometimes I'm starving for some one to talk to, really talk to who not only gives a shit but would know exactly what I need. I read an article today about how powerful and important female friendships are and the one I had that meant the most to me is in a very different place right now. Knowing you care is a big deal but not being able to see you or call you is hard. With everything you've got going on, who even knows if you'd have time for me now anyway, even if you lived right down the street. But I miss you, your whole family in a way that I will never fully able to express. And my girls are fantastic, really, really fantastic. and I'm so sorry you really don't know them like you would if you were still here.

But I'm still plugging away, as we all do. It's mid-life and all these grown-up problems really do creep up, don't they. How is your mother? Barbara? The kids? It would be so nice to really hear how you're all doing and just hear details about your life. I would love to hear just about anything about you all.

Thanks for checking in.

L