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Thursday, June 10, 2010

Alone, with children

What can I say, it's tough times. I'm alone with these kids day in and day out and it's tough. Don't get me wrong--my mother is a big help and the woman that lives next door to her is a big help but it takes a village to raise children and two extra people who live a half hour away does not a village make.

I moved here to be closer to my family and to have help and I have it--more than I'd have in New York. My mother, for all her health problems is a big help but she is 72, on a shoe-boxed size host of medication and spends much of her time seated in a reclining blue chair sleeping.

I worked for two weeks in New York and my girls were cared for by my mother and Karinna. So I have help. For two weeks I got to be around other adults, have conversations and dinners with friends and feel empowered by the money that I earned. Then the job ends, I happily commute home, scoop up my two girls and return to my regular life of meal planning, cleaning, bathing, dressing, chauffering, grocery shopping, playdate hosting, the list goes on and on, right?

It's a bit of a blue period right now because I have done something to my ribs and I'm in a fair amount of pain. It seems that carrying the baby around is aggravating the right hand side of my body but there's no one here to help me cart her around. I've also had a sinus infection now for ten days that shows no signs of leaving the building. I was already on antibiotics this year and refuse to go on them again. I can say my sinuses did feel a little bit better yesterday and so far this morning I feel okay but I've had that feeling like it's going away a few days over the course of this ten-day-scourge and it always seems to come roaring back. It's exhausting and debilitating to have a body that produces this much snot.

And still there are diapers to be changed, children that must be lifted in and out of my deep bathtub, laundry that must be put away, chickens that must be cooked. I have taught Eliza how to dial 911 in case something happens to me but I'm not sure she'll really know what to do in that instance.

So for the moment, I feel very less of myself due to sickness and pain and I worry. I worry so much about being a lone, with children.


minniegab said...

I just read your post and even if you wrote it almost 3 weeks ago, here's a friendly prayer from a stranger who understands...your sinus, seriously :) Though I can easily visualize your aloneness. I hope these words provide some company.

joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine and be a follower.. thanks and God bless..

joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine and be a follower.. thanks and God bless..

joven said...

beautiful blog..pls visit mine to,and be a follower..thanks and God bless..

The Blog of Simple Things said...

I can understand perfectly, i remember when my two brothers were small and my mother took care of them by herself...those were some thought times. Hold in there, it will get better, fist 2 years are hard.

Barry Bretz said...

You are not alone, Christ see's and feels your pain and feeling. I hear your intensity and see a beautiful family, less one. I know of the emptyness you described and can only say- this too shall pass, for you are too beautiful for men to pass up. Your best days are in front of you. Even down you have angels under your feet, keep us updated.