I spent the night in my old apartment with C in the bedroom, me on the fold-out couch with Elena and Eliza in her old bedroom. Eliza was ecstatic to wake up to find me there and I felt bad that it would be the last morning she would wake up to both of us but I had to leave C, I had no choice and being around him is still very painful.
The move to our new apartment in New Jersey, just a half hour from my mother and very close to the beach, is set to happen on Wednesday, July 8th. Moving is dreadful and expensive. On top of he expense of hiring movers to haul the stuff 70 miles, I was shocked to find my building in New York demands a $1,000 move out deposit. They return $650.00 to you if nothing in the elevator is damaged and pocket $350.00. It's the kind of reality that makes me very happy to leave New York City. With only one elevator and a doorman, it's impossible to move out on the sly so this is another $1,000 that I've had to cough up at the most expensive time in my life.
Yes, with a new, probably too expensive (but it's beautiful and my girls will love it!) home, having to buy a car and the move itself, I could go on and on about how broke I'll be which is really terrifying in this economy. But I'm forcing myself to accentuate the positive--I am starting a new life in a new place with my two beautiful new girls.
We've had so many good time (and a few bad ones, I'll confess) in this past month. There was the day went to an animal farm and Elena slept the whole time in the Bjorn while Eliza happily fed the animals. Or the day my mother watched the baby while I took Eliza to the beach and we jumped in the waves and built sand castles. Or the nights at the local Ihop on "character night" while I watch Eliza make new friends with the children who've shown up to gape over some guy in a Mickey Mouse suit. Eliza has flourished at K's daycare next door, really making friends among this group of lovely young children who come from different parts of Ocean County to spend their days guided by Karinna.
One night that stands out particularly in my mind is a rainy evening on a ride back from New York with both girls. It started pounding rain as soon as we got in the car and Elena was screaming in hunger. Spying a strip mall parking lot, I pulled over, parked and got Elena out of the car seat while the sky dumped buckets of rain on my back. Squeezing into the passenger seat with her draped on my lap, I reached back to hold hands with Eliza with my free hand. Rain pummeled the windows of the car while Eliza screeched "too noisy." I had one baby on my lap, one little girl on the back seat while the rain sheeted the windshield and thought all was right with the world.
I miss New York City and the life I had there. I miss my friends and the long walks we'd take. I've remembered a lot of the good times with C and I've missed them too. I'm grateful that I can remember the good times. I've got a tough road ahead of me, caring for two young children on my own. I don't know what the future holds but I'm trying to stay optimistic. Right now, the biggest hurdles are packing through this long weekend while C enjoys a beach weekend with Eliza (you bet I'm jealous and will miss her like crazy the four days that she's gone), the move and then unpacking and furnishing the place with very little money.
But then once it's done, there's my new life in a beautiful apartment (I better enjoy, I'll probably only be able to afford it for one year), a park and the beach within walking distance, and the summer ahead. And best of all, I'll get to wake up every morning that C doesn't have the kids, in my own home with my own girls, and start the day.