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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Yummy Tummy

Having a baby is just about the loveliest thing in the world.  Oh sure, there's lots of poop and puke and waking up to a wet bed because my boobs have leaked all over the sheets.  But the flip side of the last mentioned annoyance is the boobs are leaking because my baby is sleeping for several hours in a row.

Elena is at a stage where she's an absolute joy right now.  Most of her waking moments are spent smiling, feeding and happily looking around the room at different colors and patterns.  She demands very little and other than turning onto her tummy and moving her arms and legs, she's pretty stationary.  I don't have to worry about her getting into everything.  I don't have to worry about her sticking small objects in her mouth because as yet, she can't get to them on her own.  Instead, I simply get to lay her on her playmat and watch her smile at herself in the mirror while I type.  Yes, that's what I'm doing right now.  

She's got short, chunky legs that remind of of drumsticks.  Her butt is cushy and fun to squeeze.  Her tummy is surprisingly flat, but no less fun to kiss over and over and over again.  She squeals and makes screechy, giggley noises when I kiss her tummy.  

Next week, she will be five months old and I'll be officially reminded of how fast her babyhood is flying.  But for now, I have this post to remind me of the lovely days of relative peace, of the simple joy of a contented baby who enjoys a little music, a little mirror and the wet pleasure of her right thumb.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Baby Elena



And here's another photo of my darling baby Elena.  She has dimples!  It's so cute!  The top photo was taken by Eliza--do I have a budding photographer in my midst?

New World


If you're still reading, and I hope you are, I haven't died or fallen off the face of the earth.  There's been a lot of changes and taking care of two kids on my own is very time consuming but the main reason I haven't written is due to lack of internet access.  I'm currently writing today from the local library on a rare weekday that C came to NJ to visit the girls.  Usually he comes on Sunday, a day that the library is closed.  

It's been a lovely, though difficult and emotional summer.  I am sorry to see the summer end, seemingly just as it was revving up.  We had some wonderful days and some awful days.  I tried to do too much--I didn't do enough.  My girls are wonderful--being a mother is wonderful.  My girls can't stop crying, I can't stop yelling, being a mother is horrible.  I am tryng to learn to forgive my shortcomings but everything seems to make me feel like a loser these days.  Seeing photos of Kim Clysters after her big win at the US Open Tennis tournament fills me with sadness.  Looking at her clutching her darling toddler on the tennis court after such a big win makes me wonder why my daughter's mother has accomplished so little.  

But I'm 42 and there's still time, hopefully.  This summer, a friend I really cared for died suddenly of a heart attack.  He was only 38 and one of the best people I know.  I am still reeling from the news of his death on August 2nd.  He was the first person I truly cared about that died young and suddenly.  It is so tragic, I can barely think of it without crying.

Elena is four-and-a-half months.  She is a wonderful baby, either sleeping or laughing and smiling. She started night waking this past week and is more tired and grumpier than usual but still, life with her is a wonderful joy.  I am very blessed.  

I'm leaving you with a photo of my two girls with their older half-siblings.  I will rarely see the other two kids now that I've made the break from their father but they will always have a piece of my heart.