Sunday, January 6, 2013
another boxed up Xmas
I'm too exhausted to write much. I ended up getting very sick with the flu or bronchitis or something that's made me pretty weak over much of the holidays. I managed to stumble through Christmas Eve and Christmas Day without canceling plans but a few days later had to beg their father to come get the girls because I was so weak I couldn't get out of bed. We did have as good a holiday as we could, considering I'm pretty depressed about my mother's death. My father stepped up to the plate and my brother seemed to have a very happy Christmas. Although I'm glad he was absolutely giddy with happiness, it would have been nice to see him at least ask about my mother.
It's all too much to talk about and after I spent the day saying goodbye to the Christmas season with our annual Three Kings Day celebration, I'm so spent after putting away all the Christmas decorations, I've no energy to write. My health has improved but I'm much weaker than I'm used to feeling. Some one told me that's normal, a person's immune system takes a big hit when they lose some one they're very close to. I spent a day or two in bed while the girls had fun at their dad's, wondering if I would live and if it even mattered. Without my mother, I felt like if something happened to me, it wouldn't really matter much to anyone. It's sad but true. Sure I have the girls and I have some good friends but let's face it, I'm pretty expendable to everyone but my kids and my mother.
It's a sobering reality but one I won't focus on too much. I just hope to continue to improve. I wonder if I'll ever feel like I used to healthwise or if this is my new normal. Tomorrow's my last day at home before I return to work. It was good to be home for two weeks.
I sure do miss my mom.