I have not been happy about this pregnancy but now that's going to change. I am finally ready to look forward to welcoming this new life into the world. With everything that's going on in my mother's life, I'm going to have the baby in New Jersey. Although my Mom's prognosis is great, I don't want her completely alone the first month she's released. I'm probably looking at recovery from a 2nd C-section so I wouldn't be able to make the trip from New York to New Jersey after the baby is born. My mother won't have clearance to drive for some time. Having the baby in New Jersey also solves the "what to do with Eliza when I go to the hospital" dilemma. Though we have friends in New York, if my labor comes on suddenly, we'd be in a bind. A friend could get here quickly to be with Eliza but he or she wouldn't be able to stay indefinitely (this little thing called a job).
At my mother's, we have my father and his wife 15 minutes away, a wonderful neighbor who runs a day-care center out of her home and Eliza's Godmother about a half-hour's drive away. Here in New York, even my wonderful babysitter is practically a two hour commute away. The city might be small geographically but factor in traffic and often lame public transportation and we've got a bit of a problem.
So now that I've found a doctor in Jersey and I've mentally solved that little problem, I can set about to setting up the room for the new baby. Things are going to be tough over the next couple of months with C. But aren't they always and this time, I know with everything in me I am doing the right thing. I can't let fear of the unknown stop me from doing what I must do. It's so sad to be unhappy about an unplanned pregnancy because I am so unhappy with that baby's father.
In just the past few weeks, C has discovered what a wonderful, exciting little daughter he has. He's always loved her but he preferred the company of his other two kids because they're older, can go to the movies or on bike rides. Now that Eliza's 3 1/2, she can do more and be more to him. I also have to say his two other kids have moved on from spending their weekends going to the movies and playing basketball with their father. Their recent absence has made it possible for him to discover his second daughter. So Eliza has gotten used to seeing her father more regularly but this is not something I can worry about at the moment. The time to separate has arrived and it's going to be tough on Eliza to be apart from her father, if even briefly, but I think it would be much tougher for her to be apart from me. I'm choosing the lesser of two evils here.
Spring is almost here. I dreaded the thought of spring at the start of my pregnancy. Spring meant I'd be taking care of two little ones and how exactly did I plan to do that? When I first told Eliza about the upcoming "arrival" I'd say, "baby sister won't be here until the spring."
Now I say, "It's almost spring, Eliza. Do you know what happens in the spring?"
Eliza's eyes widen and she grins, then says "It's almost time for baby sister to come out."
And it feels so good to finally, finally rejoice with her.