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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

I Miss My Babies

Eliza's learning to read. She's been "reading" short words and phrases for close to a year but now she's really reading entire sentences and getting it. She's reading short stories for kids and finding them fun or interesting. At night, she often has assignments to read short two page stories with her parents. Unlike every other kid in her class, Eliza reads these short stories to the babysitter. Tonight she read a little to me over the phone and it was great, I loved it, I loved how happy she sounded. And then I cried about how much I'm missing.

I'm on a good job. I get to work with good people. I get paid a decent salary. The hours are long, the work is tough but most days I have a lot of fun. But I leave before my girls are awake and I get home after they've gone to bed. Last week I got to see the girls during the day because we had three consecutive night shoots. On Saturday, we finished work shortly before 7am, I raced home, had a decent morning with the girls and then volunteered for a few hours at Eliza's school fundraiser. I came home and spend a nice afternoon and evening with the girls and went to bed early to get myself back on a day schedule. As exhausting as it all was, at least I got to see my girls.

I'm not feeling so well this week and the babysitter is younger and healthier. The girls seem happy with her and I find that it's easier for me to be at work sick then at home with the girls. But I miss them, I miss them, I miss them. They also have us working Saturday this week so I won't really see or spend any quality time with my girls for six full days. This is the longest I've gone without seeing them awake. It's only Tuesday and the week in front of me feels endless.

I miss my girls, I miss my girls, I miss my girls. Elena is exploding with language--all kinds of fun stuff coming out of her mouth and I can't remember any of it. I can't record much more than her favorite phrase "I can't like this" whenever I try to get her to eat something healthy. It's so cute and when I tried to remember it and quote it to the babysitter, she filled in the blank words I couldn't remember. At this point in time, my sitter of 6 weeks knows my kids better than I do. She gets to hear how well Eliza reads, work on her spelling words with her and tuck them into bed every night.

I miss my girls, I miss my girls, I miss my girls. I tell myself this is temporary. This show will stop shooting in March and if I make it that far I won't have to work for a long time. I get to work with good people! I get to have some fun! My job ends! What about the poor moms who have to work every day and hate their jobs? I'm so much better off than they are, right, my life is wonderful!

I see the big picture and I know it's a good one. But right now, all I have is the week in front of me, pages of a script beside my and little girls in bed, the sound of the sleeping breath all I get to hear.

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