Tubulence

I accepted a job this week that I should be happy about but I'm not. It's a new TV show on which the network has extremely high hopes. The show runner is a well respected playwright (this is why I could not say no) and we seemed to hit it off. I have a month to secure babysitting and get things underway. In some ways, I'm happy. I love the people that I work with and spending time immersed in something new, something that might actually be good might be just what I need.

But of course I'm terrified. We work really long hours. Who is really qualified to take care of my kids, basically be their full-time caregiver for weeks and weeks leading into months? I'm trying to assemble a team of babysitters, a paid for "village" so to speak but it's not like I only work 20 minutes away. To be honest, this is one of the reasons I lasted as long as I did with C. Without that full-time live-in partner, I always viewed long-term work as an impossibility.

So now I'm going to try to make it a possibility. My mother has cancer and Eliza is starting first grade at yet another new school so to say the timing is bad is an understatement. I want to do this job and make this connection with the playwright but that won't go well if my head is very divided. I basically demanded that C work some weeks from home, thus supervising our daughters with the help of daytime babysitters. He said this "wasn't realistic" but didn't say no either. He's enlisted for the first week anyway, the week that Eliza starts school.

And then after that, we're on our own. Oh how I long for a sibling or some one to share these children with. Not just for me but for them.

And here's more pictures from our disney trip. For some reason the prior posting didn't print them all. I put these pictures up to remind myself of what I'm working for.