Funny Girl

Eliza likes to do as much as she can on her own these days and tonight she decided she wanted to brush her teeth unassisted from start to finish.   She turned the water on, correctly identifying the hot and the cold spickets.  She wet the toothbrush down, she twisted the cap off her toothpaste.  When it came time to squeeze the toothpaste onto the toothbrush, she couldn't quite get the past to come out so she plopped the tube into her mouth.  I laughed and Eliza grinned up her at me with her sparkling, movie-star smile.  

"I funny Mama!" she laughed, enjoying her ability to entertain me.  I looked at my little clown, so proud of herself and felt that love like an arrow surge through me.

It's moments like these that make up for the bad moments, the moments I have everyday when I'm desperate to get shoes on her thrashing feet on or tune out her screaming as I force her into the stroller or endure her pitiful cries for "Mama" after I've tucked her into bed at night.   In the middle of these bad moments, I often think I can't do this, I can't be a parent anymore.  I just want to go to the movies or go to dinner with friends, I'm tired of feeling like my life is over.

Then I have a good moment and I realize, this is my life now, the good and the bad moments.  This adorable little person with bad hair (I'm sorry, she has my hair!) and the enchanting smile who loves to play the entertainer will be off enjoying her own life before I'm ready.

Maybe then, I'll get a bit of my old life back but this is also one of the realities of parenthood.  A new life is placed in your arms and just like that, her life becomes mine.