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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Dilemma

I spent Sunday looking at more apartments for my daughter and myself and found a nice place.  It's not in the neighborhood I'd wanted but it's a nice apartment and I think it'll make a lovely home for us.  After looking at several other places, I called the owner to tell her I'd take it.

As I was on the phone with her, my cell phone rang with a work call.  I interviewed today for the script supervising position on what looks to be one of the biggest new shows on TV this upcoming season.  If I agreed to do the show, I'd make a great salary, enough to free me from C for a long time.  I wouldn't be able to take the apartment I looked at on Sunday but I'd find something else and stay in New York.

There's always a catch and it's a big one.  With car chases and special effects galore, I can expect to be at work all the time.  The producer was honest during the interview.  He said if the show goes for a few seasons, I'll see my daughter again when she's five.

The hours I've complained about on television shows are not an exaggeration.  We report to work where and when we are told and we leave when they say we can.  Sometimes the locations are convenient, other times I'm in a van for an hour going to some remote park two hours outside of Manhattan.  Mondays start at with us arriving for work at 6:30am and end around 9:30pm.  Since the start time for the following day is determined by what time we finish shooting, I can't even say when I have to leave home until the night before.  

Can I do this kind of job as a single mother?  I want Eliza's home to be with me but if I work, her living with me doesn't make a lot of sense.  Although C works long hours too, he can be home for dinner more nights a week than I can.  Occasionally, he can work from home and he can adjust his hours if necessary.  His oldest daughter can babysit.  His brother's fiance works close by.  In a pinch, his son's babysitter can probably step in.  

Me, I got nothing.  So if I take the job, I have financial freedom from C but I feel like I risk losing my daughter in the process.  If only some one could assure me that I will find another job, create another career, one that will enable me to give my darling daughter the life I want for her, then I could say no to this without remorse.

Instead I sit here wondering, why I'd want to say no to something that will provide me the freedom to get C out of my life.  And I know why I don't think I can say yes, it's that little girl in the next room I'm so afraid I'll lose.


Anonymous said...

Yeah that is one serious dilemma. I know its got to be frustrating. Its really messed up that these studios will make all sorts of accomodations for the stars to have thier kids on set, but don't make the same accomodations for the rest of the staff. Yeah, I know, there are some seriously practical reasons for that. For one, I'm sure that when they say "quiet on the set" they mean just that, and you don't always get that with kids around. Still, I've decided to be annoyed about this because I feel like if they provided on set child care you wouldn't be in the position of having to make this decision.

Impalace said...

No way, no how. You will be missing out on something that you will never get back. And you will never get over it. I know you want away from C but Eliza doesn't realize how things are between you and her dad. I just don't think you could forgive yourself if you left her money.