Update

Mom went to the doctor today.  Her heart rate is too high and her pulse is through the roof.  They adjusted her medication.  I wish she'd head to acupuncturist or holistic healer at this point but I am not a doctor, I am not qualified to tell her what to do.  It's frustrating, knowing that her heart is not working properly and that she could have a heart attack at any moment.  I tell myself this heart attack thing, it could happen to anyone.  It's not much of a comfort.

The good news: the symptoms of internal bleeding have disappeared.  I am grateful.

Yesterday morning, I accepted the job on the new TV series.  I will be alternating with a good friend.  I will work for two weeks and then be home for about a week and a half.  I am already mourning the loss of my time as a full-time Mom and the life that I saw for Eliza and myself in that apartment away from New York.  I am stuck in New York with C for now.  If the show gets cancelled, I'll move out then.  If the show gets picked up for another season, I'll move out and hire an au pair.  Since I often have to leave for work in the wee hours of the morning, there's no way I can work in my field without a live-in.  I'm only committed to work on the show for five months (even less if the network pulls the plug right away) so I can't seek an apartment or an au pair just yet.  It sucks, frankly.  The very thing I need to make the break is keeping me here longer.

The apartment that I loved that I had to say good-bye had sliding glass doors in the dining room that overlooked a grassy field.  I see Eliza and myself sitting there for dinner and I think, what a nice life that would be.  I know the reality might be very different but this is the life I want.  Dinner with my daughter every night.  A life without him.  

Oh, how I dream of the ability to earn a living doing something else entirely, something that won't demand the kind of time and energy that this TV world requires.  

I took a magazine writing class this winter and hit it off with the teacher.  I thought she could be something of a mentor and have emailed her since the class ended in March.  On June 1st, I mentioned an essay I was writing about how parents in the United States are far more over protective than parents in Israel.  

She sent me a blanket email that she'd sent to several people searching for sources for a story she was writing.  Her story is apparently about today's hyper-parenting culture and how we are overwatching our kids.

Coincidence?  I don't f-ing think so?  Funny?  Not to me, not at first.  Now I find it amusing and realize how I've got to crank this essay and send it out.  It's apparently such a good topic, established writers feel compelled to steal it from me.

Maybe I've got what it takes to make it as a writer after all.